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Get Dirty, Revisited
by Dave
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
I feel foolish today. I never really would have given my topic of the day a second thought if I had not finally understood something I should have noted quite a while ago. Several months ago, I wrote something for all the girls heading to tryouts and those playing in front of college coaches. That piece talked about getting dirty, you know, diving to the ground while going after balls. The advice is sound. You should get dirty on the softball field if you want folks to take notice. But, as in most things of importance, merely suggesting to players that they get dirty is not nearly enough. I'm not sure why I hadn't realized this before. Today it is patently obvious.
Decades ago, I was a pee wee football player finding my way through calisthenics and drills meant to toughen us up and make us ready for game contact. We would run in place for 15 minutes and every few seconds the coach would blow his whistle. When we heard the whistle, we were required to hit the deck, get up as fast as we could, and then start running again. Honestly, this was not one of the harder parts of practice. I considered it a joke, a break. I could have done this all day. I was used to hitting the deck. I liked it. It was easy. I think the coaches thought they were torturing us. They weren't, at least as far as I was concerned. It seemed stupid.
As an adult softball player, one of my less intelligent moments came on a line drive. I was milling about near third base when this guy hit a shot. I had no time to think. I just dove and caught it. As I got up, everyone was laughing at me. I was kind of embarrassed. We were playing on blacktop so I got pretty badly cut up. I ran to the dugout and used my drinking water to clean out the cuts before running back out to my station. This was blacktop in Manhattan. It was filthy and I wanted to make sure I didn't get any infected cuts. All sorts of folks frequented this field and who knew how many times some homeless guy, like the ones who lined the field to watch, might have spit or worse right where I had ripped open skin.
As I said, my cohorts made fun of me for diving for a ball at a meaningless softball gathering. Many of the women (it was coed and half of these had been college players), felt I should not play due to the obvious injuries. They felt I should go get first aid and call it a day. I didn't because I wanted to play and because I was used to ripping myself up like that. So, after this batting practice was over and the coach asked if I could play, of course, I said yes.
I have never given much thought to diving or not. You really can't. If you have time enough to contemplate a dive, then you should probably move into a better position to make a catch and the dive becomes a moot point. Diving is reaction. It is not a decision. It is a conditioned response. My childhood in sports had conditioned me to dive if a dive can make the difference between something getting past me or making the catch. Yes, that's true even during batting practice. Actually to be quite honest, I would dive and ask questions later if I was playing whiffle ball with a kindergarten class, on broken glass. I just can't help it. But apparently, not everyone reacts that way and I suppose that is the subject of the day.
If you grew up watching baseball the way I did, one of the more memorable commonplace plays, involved Brooks Robinson, perhaps the greatest third baseman ever to play the game, diving on balls hit to his right. I used to have a poster in my room of Brooks completely air-born on a ball obviously bounced foul. I was no Baltimore Orioles fan but Brooks' dive was something everyone who appreciates the game can agree was truly remarkable.
Brooks was undoubtedly by far the best third baseman I ever saw. There certainly are many other very good ones. I can name probably a dozen but I want to note one who was also not on a team I cheered for at the time. Craig Nettles almost rivaled Brooks Robinson's movement to his right via his own technique to his left. He would almost always go air-born on balls hit that way which were otherwise out of his reach, even when he had almost no chance of making the play.
Many moons ago, I was coaching a 12U travel team. I had a very young girl on the team who loved to "get dirty." I practiced these girls pretty hard but as I began to wrap up practices, there was always this one kid standing last in line. I would hit her the last groundball of the day while looking to wrap up and put away the equipment. But each time, right after the last grounder, this girl would say, "Coach Dave, can you hit me some balls I can dive for?" Practice after practice, I would accommodate this kid by hitting 10 or more she could dive for. I never gave it very much thought. My biggest fears were 1) she would get hurt or 2) she would dive for some ball she should have played "normally."
Some time after this encounter, I observed one of the best shortstops I have ever seen on a softball diamond. She was just about 13 and playing for one of the top few teams in the country. Normally at games like this, I would spend a lot of time watching pitchers and hitters but this kid caught my attention while she was in the field. I watched her as the pitcher went into her windmill. She got into a great ready position and crept forward as the ball was released. When a batter hit a hard grounder up the middle, past the pitcher, this kid would go to ground to stop the ball, get up quickly and gracefully, and then make a good quick release throw to her first baseman, easily nailing the runner. Nothing got past her.
When I saw this kid in action, I thought what she had was mostly mental. She was a hustler. She dove for everything. That's attitude. You can't teach that!
This past year, while in California, I was watching a fairly closely contested showcase game. The defensive team was up by a couple when this girl hit a long fly to center. The CF ran hard back to the fence and without hesitating dove to try to catch it. The fence did not give very much as she went over it, got the ball into her glove, and struck the ground very hard. The ball was jarred loose and the batter began her HR trot as coaches ran out to check on the girl. She was injured pretty badly. She had a separated shoulder and perhaps some other less serious injuries. An ambulance was called. I understand they gave her morphine for some very severe pain which caused her to go into shock. You can't teach that sort of desire and I suppose perhaps you shouldn't.
I say you can't really teach desire but you can teach players how to go to ground. I guess it never occurred to me that "getting dirty" is as much a fundamental skill as anything else. It can and should be taught.
The other night we had an indoor practice. I always look for something we haven't done or that needs tuning because our girls just don't do it right. I decided that in order to spice up our backhand drilling (see last week's piece), I would get some mats out and have the girls go to ground while performing the backhand play. As I waited for my charges to come over to me, I envisioned throwing balls slightly out of reach, each of them merely diving onto the semi-soft mat to make the play, and then each getting up to make a throw. It would be a simple drill but one which they needed to do.
My one lament with this team has been that nobody is sufficiently constituted to dive after balls. These are not some rec or JV players. Most of these girls are real athletes, playing multiple sports on the varsity level or just shy of it. These girls are almost all fast, pretty good on fundamentals, have played several years of travel softball, and are generally hard as nails. For instance, we had one girl run into another on a foul pop last year and both went down hard. Neither kid would come out of the game. And, as it turned out, one had played with a concussion from the collision. When these girls get together, they do not play dolls. They generally have mock fist fights or otherwise roughhouse like a gaggle of boys. They are girls to be sure but they are not meek nor mild. But none dives, at least not often, after balls!
So there I was with my silly little drill and each kid took their turn trying to dive after the throw I made. I was actually shocked by their dismal performance. None of them knows how to dive. I needed to teach them how to dive!!!!
So the question becomes, what is a normal skill progression to teach girls how to dive after balls. The answer is ... Let's start at the start.
I would say that before one learns to walk, the usual advice is to learn to crawl. That's probably bad advice since crawling has nothing to do with walking. And crawling ruins those cute little expensive outfits we wasted our money on for our infants. Falling forward, however, has much to do with diving. So if I were trying to teach girls to dive after balls, I would start with a simple exercise of falling forwards.
Place a mat in front of a kid. Have her get into ready position, without a glove on, and then allow herself to fall forwards to ground. The object here is not to fall to one's knees which is exactly what they'll do the first time. You want them to fall into a push-up position with hands spread slightly wider than when they would do a push-up and legs straightened. It is sort of a belly-flop. You are going to need to have them perform several reps of this seemingly wasteful exercise until they can do it properly, without landing on their knees first.
Once you have done that a sufficient number of times, place the player on one side of the mat and have them dive sideways into the same position while facing you. If you are going to dive on your backhand side, you need to have your head turned towards your glove hand side. Do this enough until they can accomplish it correctly and then once more to reinforce. Now do it the other way, to the forehand side while, again, facing the theoretical direction from which the ball is coming.
Once these three types of falls have been practiced, have them put on their gloves and do them again. Players need to learn to go to ground with one hand inside a glove. Each will probably struggle with this a bit. You have to land on the pinky side of your glove when doing the forehand side dive and the thumb side of your glove when doing the backhand. Girls need practice at this. If they don't practice it, injuries will occur.
Once your group has accomplished the task well enough that you are confident they will be able to advance, it is time to work an actual ball into the drill. Again while facing you, each girl will, in turn, assume a good ready position and then dive for the ball as you throw it. The easiest way to start this out is with a ball bounced or rolled. Later, you can work in throws or line-drives.
Keep in mind that you must watch the way they dive very closely and correct errors. You want to teach them how to dive properly and then condition in the response with frequent drilling. That means this is not some drill you do once and then never engage in again. It is indoor season and, provided you have a reasonably soft mat, you can do this at every practice or every other one for 5-10 minutes, once you have taught the skill. After initial work, you won't have to have them dive without their gloves or the ball. That stuff was to get them used to the notion of diving and to keep them off their knees. So this can become a routine and quick part of every defensive practice sequence.
The mere diving and stopping or catching a ball is just the first part of the skill. After the ball is in the glove, a player has to get up and make a throw. It really makes no difference how good of a play you make if you get nobody out. And this takes practice. At first, some girls will get to their knees to make a somewhat weak throw. Others will gather themselves slowly, get up and throw as if they have all the time in the world. The difficult things to teach them are to dive, get the ball, get up quickly and then make a quick release throw to target.
We have done the dive and get the ball parts. Now let's finish the play. Some coaches well tell you to keep the ball in your glove and to get used to doing a push-up while holding the ball tightly inside the glove. Some coaches will tell you to take the ball out of the glove while down and push off the ground using your empty mitt and while pushing the ball into the ground with your throwing hand. I don't really have an opinion. I know how I do it but there's no point in explaining that. I suggest that you just merely have them get up and see what works for them to get up quickly and make a throw. And at some point, I suggest putting a stop watch to the drill. This may encourage them to find the fastest way possible.
When you get up off the ground, I believe it is best to have your hands close together and get up while twisting into the proper throwing direction. I don;t seem to be able to put this into words so experiment. The general idea is that a player is going to dive to either her forehand or backhand side and then have to make a play to one of the bases. So, retrieving a ball and then getting up to make a throw can involve several possibilities and all should be practiced, depending on a kid's likely positions. each kind of play and throw to each of the various bases requires some thought. Your SS needs to work throws not only to first and second but also to third - that's not a bad place to remain on the knees - and, of course, to home. You can figure out the rest.
Once you get back outdoors, you should not assume that you have covered this ground sufficiently. In case you didn't notice, the fields you play on have no mats to soften the blow for a diving player. They need to get acclimated to the sometimes harder ground. You should have drills requiring your infielders to dive some on the dirt and for your outfielders to hit the somewhat softer grass. These drills should become as easy and boring as my football drills were. Gradually, over time, your team will become hardened and begin to routinely dive for balls they might otherwise not make a play on.
The funny thing is the girls will probably begin to enjoy these drills. When I ran diving drills the other day, we came to the end of practice and everyone huddled around my station. More than one asked, "coach, can I jump in here and go again?" Just as was the case with my diving youngster a few years back, I ended up being the last coach to wrap up because everyone liked the drill and wanted to go again. Y They actually like diving. It's cool! And they can see themselves making these kinds of plays because, well, they always had the desire. I didn't have to teach them that. They just never really gave it much thought but they did not know how to dive. I felt foolish when I realized that.Labels: coaching, defense, indoor, mental toughness, pre-season preparation
Permanent Link: Get Dirty, Revisited
 
One For The Bucket Brigade!
by Dave
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tom writes in to ask, "How about doing one for the bucket dads? Everyone talks about the kids!"
You know, Tom, I would do something for the bucket dads and moms but I don't want to wallow in self-pity. So I am going to try to stick to anecdotes you and others have sent me, as well as some interesting stories I have heard or seen. I will, of course, talk about some of my personal experiences because those are the ones I know best.
Tom complains of pain he got while returning the ball to his two daughters when they practice pitched to him. As he notes, "there are no points for throwing it back on the fly." I'll add that there are no points for looking like a pro when you throw the ball back either!
I have not only caught a lot of pitching sessions, I have watched others do almost as many. One of the more comical things I have noted is the father or mother who squats like a real catcher and then tries to whip the ball back to the pitcher, again, like a real catcher. I know the mentality. I did this a few times and gave it up for personal safety reasons and to avoid pain.
Even funnier than the would be major league catcher is a fellow I know who wanted to work his daughter's ability to protect herself from line drives by whipping the ball back at her as hard as he possibly could each and every time. His throws probably maxed out at 50-60 mph. Nobody hits a ball back to the pitcher that softly beyond 10U. It doesn't do any good to whip the ball back at her if that's the best you can do. It just gets your blood up and makes her dislike you. It also will eventually burn out your arm.
Let me provide some advice to all parent catchers and this same advice was mentioned to me by Tom. Flipping the ball back on one hop is not a shameful act. It will save your arm. If your daughter is really, really going to grow up to be a pitcher, you are probably going to have to catch 2 - 4 times per week for 100 pitches and returns at the very least. A good average might be 3 times per week for 150 pitches and even that is a bit understated. That is 450 return throws per week, 44 weeks per year, over the span of perhaps an 8 year career, yields 158,400 throw backs. If you, like Tom and I, have 2 daughters, figure it out. You are going to hurt your arm!
I have a pretty bad right, throwing arm. I broke my elbow playing football when I was 15 and still have shards of bone on the inside of the elbow. I know the shards are there because my doctor warned about this at the time of the injury and, quite a while ago, I hurt it and it locked into place. When I had X-rays done, the doctor noted that he could see the shards and it was the swelling around them that had caused the lock-up. Years later, when my kids first got involved in softball, I threw a little too hard with another father before practice one day. My arm was sore for weeks after that.
Once you get the knack of throwing it back on one hop, it may actually save you time because you won't suffer all those bad throws as you try to emulate Pudge-Rod. Tom suggests that bouncing the ball back will make them better fielders. I'm not sure if it is true or not. But it certainly does not hurt their fielding ... or your arm.
The knees are probably your most abused joints. If you ski, snow or water board, that's more so. If you value your ability to walk around, up the stairs, into an elevator, I suggest trying something besides the standard catcher crouch. I am fully aware that there is a little known Medicare benefit for which you might qualify. I am slightly jealous of all those people on the TV who got their Power Chair and didn't have to pay a penny out of pocket for it. But if you are in your 40s, you will look silly making your way to the restaurant/bar/supermarket in an electrical chair. The alternative is a knee replacement but those replacements need to be replaced after a decade or so. You can count on having to replace your bad knee(s) as many as 5 more times during your life if you need your first one at 40 or so. Save your knees, get something to sit on during pitching practice!
Tom suggests a high bucket. He recommends this because 1) he has sufficient room to toss the ball back underhand and 2) he is able to get out of the way of a wayward pitch very quickly without stressing his knees too much. I prefer a lower bucket. I use one of the shortest buckets around, one I used on my boat before I got rid of the boat in favor of softball lessons. I like the shorter bucket because I can set a lower target and I want my kids to throw a lot of low pitches in order to induce grounders. But I may rethink my approach very soon as I am missing out on the benefits Tom noted.
I do not suggest spending money to get the item I have seen in stores and online. That is a stool which stands on one leg and is sold specifically for bucket dads and moms. I got one for Father's Day. It is not very convenient and I have fallen off it several times. The thing about a bucket is you can use it as a bucket in which to carry gloves and balls. It is sturdy. One cheap little plastic bucket will probably survive your kids' pitching careers and you will be able to will it to them when they become parents.
At this point I have to tell you a story or two story about buckets. I learned about them my first year of travel. The warehouse superstore was selling seeds in a bucket for a very cheap price and we decided to buy one for the team. I had hoped to recoup the bucket after the seeds were gone because it looked like it might make a good seat. But when the seeds were depleted, the team's manager, a father of a pitcher, grabbed the bucket and made it his own faster than I could possibly have grabbed it back. A month or two went by and someone took the top of that bucket and attached a proper seat cushion to it for the coach. He still has my bucket today! I think he is rather proud of it.
Another bucket brigade dad I know often catches his daughter when she pitches. He does so in pitching lessons and practice sessions, at team practices and before games. I noticed that he sits sideways on the bucket in order to protect his potential to produce children in the future. After years of watching this, I commented to my wife about it and was surprised by her reaction. She told me that when she first saw him sit sideways like that, she lost all respect for the man! She said he should sit like a real man!! So if you are at all concerned about the way people perceive you as you sit on your bucket, sit straight and protect yourself through other means.
Yet another bucket dad I know has a daughter who is a good pitcher but not always that successful when pitching against the best kids. We were conducting a tryout for catchers one day and she was pitching to them. I asked her if she had a dropball because I wanted to see the catchers block. She said she did and proceeded to throw several very good ones. I was genuinely impressed, not with the catchers but with this girl's dropball. So I asked the father about why he never had her throw the drop in games. He looked at me with a puzzled expression and said,
"Well, she really doesn't have a drop. I mean we don't work on it at all. I can't stand catching the thing. So she never works on it. I didn't think it was very good because I haven't seen her throw one in many months."
I informed him that she does indeed have a good drop. I also told him that she practices it when she throws with her younger sister, a catcher. I strongly suggested that he begin calling the pitch as one of her main ones in games. Do you know, that pitch has become her mainstay and she is a much more effective pitcher now than she was before she started throwing the drop a lot.
Yet, I understand why a father would not want his daughter to spend a lot of practice time working on the drop, at least not while he was catching it. The drop is the bane of many bucket dads' existence. I remember talking to one father who had a daughter with a good drop. He was catching her in the yard one summer evening when one pitch pointed out a tree root he had not completely removed from their throwing area. He was struck in the knee by a drop that bounded off the tree root. For months afterwards, he walked around with a softball sized bump on one leg. This guy used to wear shorts in weather above 25 degrees. But during July and August of that summer, he wore long pants due to his embarrassment.
Speaking of embarrassment, another father of a talented drop ball pitcher I know took one off his shins. He had to go in for X-rays after a few weeks of hobbling. The pain was excruciating. But this guy had some trouble with the doctor because he refused to tell the man flat out that the injury was caused by catching his daughter's pitching! The doctor wanted to know how it happened. He said "never mind." The doctor persisted relentlessly. I think the doctor finally accepted some explanation about a foul ball at a high school baseball game.
The moral of that story is shin guards are advisable. I actually don't wear them because I can't stand them. I caught until I was 18 but I never really loved wearing guards. And as an adult, I really can't handle the feeling, especially when I wear shorts. That's not a very good excuse and I have chipped bones on my shins too, though nothing that hindered my ability to walk. I guess I am pig headed and one day my daughter's dropball will convince me to wear the shin guards I have.
Tom has some advice if you also refuse to wear baseball/softball shin guards. He uses soccer style leg guards. I may have to look into this because it makes a lot of sense. But I may have trouble finding anything that fits properly. If you don't have football shaped calves, you might want to look into soccer shin guards to protect you while catching.
I have one final dropball story for you. I was at the field one day and noticed a bunch of guys from our organization standing around a pick-up truck chatting. As I walked towards them, they were laughing and making all kinds of odd faces. As I got close, one yelled out to me, "hey Dave, have you ever taken one in the ... you know?" I replied, "yes, many times, it ain't pretty, it's always the darn dropball." As I uttered the beginning of the word "dro" they all broke out into hysterical laughter. They were all pitchers' dads. They knew exactly what I meant. They all had the same experience.
I understand what Tom is saying about the higher bucket. If you are catching a dropballer, it is best to get the heck out of the way once that ball hits the ground. It has a lot of spin on it. You really do not know where it is going to go. The faster you can get out of the way, the better.
Still, I cling to my low bucket. And one of my kids is a dropballer. I have worked a way to protect myself and that is: I stay closer to the plate and when the ball hits the ground, usually it is right around the plate. I go forward rather than trying to block it like a catcher. I attempt to short hop it right near where it hits the ground so it doesn't have the opportunity to jump. It doesn't matter to me if I catch it or merely knock it away. Just so long as it doesn't jump me. So far, that technique has worked.
The worst I have ever been struck is actually on a change-up. My kid's change is pretty good. It moves and dives. When it hits the ground, it is difficult to know which direction it will bounce in. She once threw one that hit the plate, bounced up, and caught me in the chin. I saw stars. I got a nice little knot on my face that stayed there for several months. I think perhaps the bone was chipped but I never sought medical treatment because I was a little too embarrassed. I didn't need to hear another human being suggest I wear a mask. So I won't go into proseltyzing you about wearing a mask. I'll just say that there is a good reason to put one on, and leave it at that.
So to recap, a bucket is better than squatting. I prefer a low one but Tom likes a high one and he can offer some sound logic for choosing that size. Protective equipment is probably a good idea though I admit to wearing none. You must be hyper vigilant to protect yourself. And those of us too proud to admit it hurts when we get hit should probably rethink our manhood.
Speaking of manhood, I don't want to shortchange the many women who catch their daughters' sessions. I know several who, for one reason or another, do the job. They may be better athletes than their husbands are. They may just be the only one available when their daughters take their lessons. I think I know of more fathers than mothers but there are penty of each and all have their own war stories.
As a matter of fact, I know that one of the guys who laughed at my comment above no longer catches his daughter's lessons. Instead, he has his wife do that. The reason is he has become very good friends with the pitching coach. When the coach sees him, he likes to talk endlessly. The guy not only feels as if his daughter is shortchanged due to the coach's excessive conversation, but also he is concerned because he too often gets distracted from the job at hand. His daughter has hit 60 on the gun. But she is a little wild, especially when throwing movement pitches. l; He often finds himself nearly getting hit because he is too engaged in conversation. So now his wife catches the daughter at lessons. And she's the one sporting the injuries most of the time.
I really urge you in the strongest terms possible to not allow yourself to be distracted when catching. Even a 50 mph pitch can do some damage when it hits you in the head. Talking with others is possibly the most insidious form of being distracted. I just heard on the radio that the result of laws prohibiting cell phone usage behind the wheel actually have accomplished one of their objectives - to lower the rate of usage while driving. Unfortunately, the laws did not accomplish the main objective. Accident rates did not go down. While hands-free devices are used to a much higher degree than before, it turns out that they do not prevent accidents. It is the talking that yields the distraction, not the use of hands. If you try to hold a deep conversation while catching your daughter, you're gonna pay a price.
I have on many occasions found that I am not quite as wide awake as I should be when catching. Sometimes my concentration drifts. Sometimes my relatively weak eyesight takes me out of focus. That is not good.
I strongly suggest that before you get behind the plate, you make certain you are wide awake. I now very often drink a full cup of coffee before catching. I sometimes take a shower beforehand. I will try almost anything to ensure that I am as awake as possible. It is no fun to recognize that you almost got hit by that pitch.
Speaking of those times when you feel like you almost just got hit, it is difficult for those whose daughters don't yet throw hard or those who have never been part of the bucket brigade to understand our plight. The best way I can describe this is via analogy.
Do you know that feeling which immediately follows a near miss auto accident? Your adrenaline pumps at full throttle. You feel sweat start to well up in all the usual places despite having been relatively cold before the incident. Your heart pounds. You feel throbbing at your temples. That's an almost car accident. Almost being hit by a pitch is not as bad. I would say that on every pitch my daughter throws, I feel about 5 percent of the car feeling. And when I almost get hit, I suspect I reach to about 10 or 15 percent of that extreme. During the winter, we catch down in my basement which is very large. The basement is also rather cool, perhaps 45 - 50 degrees. But after we are done, I am always sweating. And when I almost get hit, I sweat profusely.
Women have more sense than men. They are more willing to don the full gear. Men are often either too lazy or too stupid unless or until their daughters become demonic hard throwers. I know of a Division one pitcher whose father always puts on the equipment. He does this because his daughter has been clocked around 67 and for one other reason. When the kid throws to him, which she still does on occasion, he abuses her psychologically. When he does this, she usually throws harder. And she, I believe, aims to hurt him. He throws the ball back at her hard a lot - he doesn't follow my one bounce advice and when he does throw it hard at her, I believe he aims to hurt her. Their sessions are rather violent. He dons the gear as a matter of survival. She should consider pitching with catcher's gear on too. Then again, she throws harder than he does.
One other item about gear, as a person who has suffered several concussions, not as a result of catching, I urge you to use the old style of catchers mask which is generally more protective of your brains. I know the newer, hockey style masks are more in vogue and look better. But the helmet part is intended to deal with foul balls. I personally do not think you need to use a helmet. And the hockey style mask provides less cushion when the mask is struck. That is my opinion formed after doing some research. You can do your own thinking and research.
The plight of the bucket dad or mom is not a well respected one. Those of you who regularly catch your daughters know of what I speak. We in the bucket brigade suffer all manner of injuries and humiliation. A little common sense can go a long way towards reducing the number of our injuries. And learning from others is at the heart of the human condition. So take Tom's advice and mine. Don't let your pride get in the way of protecting yourself. Also, when your daughter can throw a projectile hard enough to kill you, it is best not to anger her too much.Labels: parenting, parents, pitching, safety
Permanent Link: One For The Bucket Brigade!
Individual Motivation
by Dave
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I want to venture into a very difficult labyrinth today. I should probably just step back and not get into this but something is pulling me and I don't feel like fighting it. The issue has to do with how athletes become motivated individuals and how parents and others interact with them in order to enhance this "coming of age," if you will allow me to call it that. This is not a particularly straightforward issue to discuss. But I feel the need to try.
Some time ago, I told you that I once was told by someone far more experienced than I that a father must find the right time to step back from his softball playing daughter in order to allow her to mature in the game. She needs to be coached by someone not related to her. She needs to find her way in the real world where not everyone thinks she's wonderful, where some folks might be less tolerant of some of her bad habits. She needs to prove herself anew to someone else in the sport who has interacted with many other girls prior to meeting her. You (I) need to stand back and become a mere fan again.
Since I heard those words, I have discussed the issue and related ones many times with friends, others in softball, and even a few visitors to this site who wrote me e-mails on the topic. I agree wholeheartedly that a parent of a softball player needs to give her the room to stretch her wings, as it were, or she may never learn to fly.
I say she "may never learn to fly" because many girls have indeed gone very far within this sport while being coached by fathers or mothers. Tincher was taught to pitch by her father. Other name players had heavy parent involvement before they became name players.
Most kids need their parents to step away in order to take the steps of personal development on their own but it is not necessarily a panacea for raising a softball player. Both ways work, depending on the individuals involved. Still I agree in principle with those who argue for giving my kids space because I am not trying to raise softball players. I am trying to raise people, two individual people. I believe I need to step away from them in order for them to grow up. It's just not that easy to do!
Within the issue of stepping away from a softball playing daughter is the related one of her self-motivation. Youth is wasted on the young. If I had my life to live over again ... I would know how much effort would be involved in developing any skill to a desired degree. And, of course, I would put in the effort needed for the things I wish I were doing today!
When I was very young, I decided I wanted to be a baseball player. I was too young to have my dreams dashed so, when I told my parents, they waited several years before explaining to me why this was a bad idea. When I told my father that I wanted to play football in the NFL, he quickly pointed out that I would need to be at least 6-3 and that was unlikely. He also pointed out the short duration of a lineman's career and other problems with my idea. When I told my parents I wanted to be a mathematician, they pointed out that the only career for that kind of direction was teaching and since teaching didn't pay, I might find another career choice. They were wrong on that and other scores but I am not going to try to beat my parents into the ground today. What I want to point out is it is not a great idea merely to explain logically to a person why they can't or shouldn't do something. Instead, it is probably a better idea to inform them slowly about what is needed to become this or that and then let them find their own way.
With respect to school, my parents always wanted me to get good grades. Perhaps they wanted me to get great grades but they accepted my somewhat above average ones without giving me too much trouble. My siblings struggled in school to some degree so when I had better grades than they did, I was able to get away with less than I was capable of. But my motivation was external, not internal. I got the grades I got in order to appease them, not because I enjoyed learning or wanted to achieve at some level in order to accomplish things or make my life better. It was not until I returned to college as a 23 year old that I found self-motivation and at that point, I became an "A" student, near the top of the class, who wanted to achieve the highest grades possible regardless of the level of effort required.
Self-motivation is tricky because each of us are individuals who have our own hopes and dreams, who mature at different ages, and who have our own unique capacities and abilities. One kid is apparently fully mature, within the context we are examining, at the age of 7 or 8. Another is incapable of self-motivation until perhaps 16 or in my case, in terms of academic motivation, as old as 23. It is next to impossible to know for sure when a kid is capable of self-motivation in any pursuit.
When we start out the softball careers of our very young daughters, they really do not know what it takes to improve their skill levels and play to their potential. I recall one of my daughters, 8 at the time, telling me that she would like to throw better. We went out into the yard and threw the ball for 15 minutes before she informed me that she was tired or saw some neighbor kids playing and ran off for that action. A day or so later, I reminded her of her desire to throw better and suggested another session of catch. She told me she had something else to do and, after all, "we did play catch for a very long time yesterday." She was sure she had done enough to improve to the level she desired!
Later, when pitching lessons arose, my wife and I decided to tell the girls that they could continue pitching lessons and we would pay for them provided that they practiced an acceptable amount. We decided that 2 times per week in addition to the one lesson would be the minimum and 4 the maximum. They could continue with their lessons if they practiced twice a week but it would be better if they did more. And, if they did more, we would never consider dropping lessons. If they stuck with just 2, we might one day put an end to lessons.
So my daughters continued to pitch several times a week in order to preserve their lessons. When they wanted to play travel ball, we put certain other restrictions on them. They were required to get their homework done in a timely fashion so as to avoid conflicts with practice. They were also required to step up their pitching to a minimum of 3 times weekly in addition to lessons. If they pitched for one half hour at practice, that would count. We didn't want to burn them out. We just wanted a commitment level in order to justify our spending this much time and money to keep them in travel ball and pitching lessons.
As time wore on, my kids did what they needed to do to maintain things as they were. But sometimes that edge you need to compete was missing. I won't quantify it in this article but there is a level or degree of pitching effort one must do in practice in order to maintain proficiency levels and advance them enough to make all this worth it. Sometimes, with one kid or the other, that level was missing.
Sometimes, one or both of my daughters would complain about me making them pitch. It might not be right at the start or at the mere mentioning of "we'll be pitching at 7 o'clock tonight." It wasn't always a direct complaint. Sometimes we had just finished the warm-up and my kid would say "I'm really tired today" or "I'm still sore from all that pitching we did yesterday." Sometimes it was even more insidious like, "how many pitches are we going to do today?" And still other times, it was a matter of one kid, or both of them, putting out the bare minimum of effort in making each pitch.
Initially, I told them that I never want to be asked how many pitches we are doing. At different points I told them that I am not going to waste my time by catching them while they put forth less than 50% effort. I have actually picked up and walked out on a few occasions because I felt their effort was completely insufficient. I refuse to waste my time if they don't have their body and mind into it.
Soreness is a tougher issue because I don't want them to alter their motions because a bicep or forearm is sore. When they complain about sore muscles, I try to diagnose the problem, come up with a solution or dump practice for that day. I used to think they were using soreness to get out of practice but I have learned that my kids don't do that. When they complain about soreness, I believe them and we can usually do some skills that will not beat them up further.
As time has worn on, I have become weary from listening to my kids try to make practice shorter or get out of them entirely. It doesn't happen very often but when it does, it gets under my skin. That has been made more irritating by my often very sore shoulder, elbow, wrist or hand. A couple years ago, I developed bad tendinitis in my catching wrist which required me to soak my hand in ice water several times each day. It eventually went away but pain in my catching shoulder is a constant companion. Sometimes my elbow hurts and sometimes my hand does. I try not to complain to them about it - I don;t want to teach them how to get out of things - but when they are trying to wiggle out of practice and I'm hurting, I have less patience with the head games.
That was a while ago because gradually they have become self-motivated and that's why I am telling you this. My older daughter became self-motivated quite a bit sooner than the younger one. She loves just about everything that has anything to do with softball. Softball dwells within her very being, perhaps her soul. If she were confined to a wheelchair today, I believe she would either find a softball league for wheelchair bound persons or start one on her own. .
I know I am prone to digressions but I want to explain the wheelchair comment lest I receive some angry e-mails. When I was in my late teens, I worked as a lifeguard at a pool. One day, one of my fellow lifeguards dove into the pool and fractured his neck. He was paralyzed from pretty much the neck down though he could use his arms fairly well. The name of this fellow is Doug Heir.
Doug was an athlete before his accident. After the accident he wanted to end his life. That's pretty normal for a person in that predicament. If you love sport and one day are told that you'll never do any of the things you love, well, that's about as tough as it gets. Gradually, through the efforts of his brother and friends, Doug found the motivation to move forward with his life. Move forward, he did!
Doug became the President Of The National Spinal Cord Injury Association. He also finished law school and has been a practicing attorney. He has run for public office. He is a motivational speaker. He also has been called the most accomplished athlete on Earth because he has won more gold medals than any other human being.
Doug found his self-motivation, with help from his brother, in sport. He competed in field events at Paralympic and other world championships. He has one too many events to name and, in the process, set several world records. His image has appeared on the Wheaties box and many sports media outlets have proclaimed him the world's greatest athlete, among other noteworthy achievements.
So, you see, I do not use the wheelchair example lightly. And when I speak of self-motivation, I have seen it at its all-time low.
So my older daughter is now just about fully self-motivated. This was accomplished primarily by gradually allowing her to control the direction of her practice sessions. At every turn, I have reminded her that the game belongs to her, not us. Our purpose is to facilitate her accomplishment of what she tells us her goals are. She is never practicing or pitching for us. We enjoy watching her pitch but if she were never again to pitch, that would not change anything about the way we love her or treat her. The decision to pitch or not is hers and hers alone. The decision to play softball is hers alone.
As I say, she is just about fully self-motivated. It is a long process which requires work for the full duration. One does not one day turn from being externally motivated to being completely self-sufficient. It is a process not a watershed moment. We must still remain vigilant and work towards instilling the internal motivation.
As I say, this was a gradual growth which took place probably over a 2 year period. It probably, I don't remember, started as a result of a planned practice session at which she was not motivated. She may have complained. She may have inquired about how many pitches we were going to do. She may have thrown at less than her best. I just don't remember. But at that point, I believe I ended the session early. I was tired of the continual lack of effort - in a relative sense. I told her that she could tell me when she wanted to practice again. And I waited for her to do that.
After a few days, she missed working on her pitches and came back to me. In the next session, I let her control almost everything. There is a pattern to her warm-ups which I like to be adhered to to avoid injury. After that, it was "so, what do you want to do next." I really enjoyed asking her "how many pitches are you going to do today?" I think she understood the irony. But she chose her direction and I have to say that it was fine.
Now, what I do in order to sway her in the direction I think she should go is make suggestions. If I think her screw, drop, or drop curve is not quite as sharp as it should be, I ask, "do you want to work on X pitch today?" or "you know, you have thrown better drops, maybe we could work on that pitch more during one of our sessions this week?" or "is there any pitch that you would like to work on?" I try to sway her but I don't want to take over and I don't want her to get mentally lazy and allow me to take over. It's her game. These are her pitching sessions. If she's going to put into them, she must decide what it is she is going to do.
At various times, I think she informed me of when we were going to pitch and then, when the time came, she complained or was less than thrilled when I reminded her. Now when that happens, I react by telling her that I would love to have the hour to myself and it doesn't matter to me if she doesn't practice. She does not do that often anymore. She is responsible for her success or failure. If she wants to skip, it is entirely her decision. And she has to live with the results.
When she does complain, I generally believe she needs the time off. She has become self-motivated enough and we have informed her enough that she now knows that there is a minimal level of effort required to maintain and only through exceeding that will she get better. She wants to get better. She works pretty darn hard at it. Her practice sessions are much better. She seldom, if ever, takes a pitch off during practices.
To tell you the truth, I'm the one lacking motivation these days. She wants to pitch more often and her sessions are longer. I intervene more because I think she is overdoing it than I ever did because I thought she was doing too little.
My younger daughter is more difficult, as a general matter. She has had way too much success at almost everything from too young an age. She is very successful in school without ever having to put out much effort. Her report card is almost always better than her sister's, even when her sister gets almost all A's. When the kids take those state proficiency examinations, if her older sister scores advanced proficient on the math part, as she has many times, the younger one will score higher. She once scored a perfect score on that test. That's the way it is for her.
She was also a successful pitcher with far less practice work than her sister. The only times she would really work were after losses, expecially those in which she got hit fairly hard. It has been very difficult to get her to work at anything, especially pitching, unless she experiences some degree of failure.
She was always the biggest complainer with respect to practice. Even when she did not complain, she was far more prone to those lackluster sessions in which the effort needed to improve was missing. It probably took 3 years to find her self-motivation and I'm not quite sure I know what brought it on. Something, somehow, somewhere must have happened which caused her to recognize that she needed to work in order to succeed. And very recently, she has begun to use this self-motivation in many different ways.
I should tell you that I understand parents who tell me about their daughters, "if I didn't push her, she would do nothing. If I don't make her pitch, she won't and her ability will drop off." I am not telling you to drop everything and do all that it takes to get your daughters self-motivated. What I am telling you is that you should have this as a goal, a long-term goal.
Every kid, every person, is different. Some require more push than others just to achieve up to their 50% level. There is no particular age, no particular experience level, at which a given kid must become self-motivated. But as much as I have encouraged you to do certain things in order to have your kid become a good pitcher, catcher or whatever, I am encouraging you to find those things that will point her in the direction of becoming self-motivated. And everything you do with respect to this must leave the door open for her to become self-motivated when she is ready to do so.
This process, like the game of softball itself, is often rather difficult. Worse, while I can tell you how to fix some hitch in the swing, some shortcoming on the drop ball, or some particular fielding or throwing problem, I cannot tell you how to instill self-motivation in your child. It is a hands-on chore. Problems must be diagnosed in person. Treatment varies with the individual. Prognoses will vary. The time during which you may be able to accomplish the task is going to be different for any two kids.
I had a friend from childhood who became an Olympic medalist (a couple gold and, I think, one or two silver). He was a champion from a young age. His motivation was entirely external. He became a champion to appease his father. He was a world class athlete before he found self-motivation. But he also developed substance abuse problems. It was only after he solved his substance problems and found self-motivation that he became an Olympic champion.
I have often observed parents encouraging their kids to play hard, hustle, get a hit, etc. in softball tournaments. I have sometimes been an overbearing father with respect to my kids' softball play. I understand when parents need to be involved with their kids' softball. I also understand sideline nerves. But there is one thing we must remember and a few corollaries which spin off this single principle. It is their game - we had our opportunity already.
It is their game and we cannot necessarily relate to what it is like to stand 4o or less feet away from some hitter to guard against the bunt. We don't know what it is like to stand in against some 60 mph rise ball throwing freak of nature. We do not know what it is to live amongst their peers while suffering a tough game when everyone else is hitting the ball hard. Sure we had similar experiences but we do not know what they are going through. We have to guess.
When we were their ages, we didn't necessarily trust when our parents, teachers and coaches told us how to live. We learned most of what we know today thanks to mistakes and a few very smart mentors who taught us how to be self-sufficient. We got bored at practices. We turned our heads away on hard grounders. We complained about the duration of practices, etc. We dogged it. Why on Earth would we expect them to be any different.
When a young kid starts hitting, catching or pitching lessons, their coaches tell them what they need to do in order to prepare for the next session. "Don't forget to take 50 swings in the yard, do your blocking homework, pitch 4 times between sessions, etc." We can and should encourage our kids to hear those messages over and over again. We can tell them that if they would like to continue doing these lessons, they must practice on their own. We can make them practice but they will learn how to do it with the least possible amount of intensity to appease us. We can be perfectionists who mentally beat on our kids to make them all that we think they should be. But what is gained and what is lost when we do this?
If you think you may have the next Jennie Finch, there is probably nothing to be learned from me. If, on the other hand, you are simply using softball as an enjoyable way to teach your kid certain things, if you just want her to enjoy athletics, if you are not trying to take her up to the very top levels of the sport, then one of your goals should be to teach her self-motivation which she can use in other aspects of her life. It isn't an easy thing to instill. You will have to find your own way. But, in the long run, it is a highly advantageous thing to have taught your child. It is well worth the significant effort.Labels: mental toughness, parenting, work ethic
Permanent Link: Individual Motivation
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